Houseplants Tougher Than a Kangaroo in Thongs: These Green Legends Refuse to Die
From monsteras to money plants, meet the hardy houseplants that laugh in the face of drought, dim lighting, and even cat "watering". With real-life Aussie stories and survival tips, here’s your guide to greenery you just can’t kill.
Houseplants You’d Need a Bulldozer to Kill
Some plants throw in the trowel the minute you look at them funny. Others? They’ve survived house moves, toddler attacks, and “watering” by feline freeloaders. These green champions are your best bet for low-maintenance indoor jungle vibes — even if you’ve got the gardening skills of a soggy Weet-Bix.
Here’s the lineup of houseplants that even the busiest, laziest, or clumsiest plant parents can keep alive.
Green and Grime-Resistant: Top Survivor Plants
| Plant Name | Aussie Nickname | Known For Surviving… | Pro Care Tip |
|---|---|---|---|
| Snake Plant | “The Slitherin’ Survivor” | Dust, darkness, mild neglect | Don’t drown it — water every 2-3 weeks |
| Spider Plant | “The Dangly Doer” | Kids, falls, and bad vibes | Loves a hanging basket & bright light |
| Monstera | “Monster Mash” | Low light, being forgotten | Water when the soil feels dry under knuckles |
| Aspidistra | “Cast-Iron Kev” | Everything, really | Avoid direct sun, occasional drinks |
| Peace Lily | “The Drama Queen” | Neglect with flair | Wilts dramatically, then bounces back |
| Rubber Plant | “The Bouncer” | House moves, kids, general chaos | Wipe leaves, occasional water, ignore it |
| Dracaena | “Dragon on Duty” | Weeks of being ignored | Lower leaves fall off – totally normal |
| Money Plant (Jade) | “Survivor Steve” | Storage units, 80s weddings, no light | Let it dry between drinks |
| Beefsteak Begonia | “The BBQ Begonia” | Gravity, porch dives | Great from cuttings, loves indirect light |
| Clivia (Bush Lily) | “The Lazy Bloomer” | Marriage, time, disappointment in bloom | Feed in spring, don’t overwater |
Real Aussie Tales of Plant Perseverance
The Biscuit Tin Botanist – Vanessa, Dorset
Moved from Sweden with orchid cuttings wrapped in soggy paper towels and stuffed into a biscuit tin. 14 years on? Still thriving.
Ralph the Aspidistra – Keith, Nottingham
Since 1971, Ralph’s outlived roommates, house moves, and poor watering etiquette. Now with 20 offspring living their best life.
The Monstera Mountain – Robert, Scotland
Started as a baby leaf, now it’s 8ft tall and scaling the conservatory like it’s training for Ninja Warrior.
The Drama Lily – Gillian, West Yorkshire
Peace lily that fakes death every time she leaves the house. Recovered every single time with emergency H2O love.
The Cat-Watered Umbrella Plant – Sally, Grimsby
Watered by a literal cat. Cut back within an inch of its life. Still going strong after four decades of “benign neglect.”
Indoor Gardening Tips for the Terminally Forgetful
- Water Wisely: If the soil’s as dry as an Aussie pub joke, give it a splash. If it’s damp, leave it alone.
- Light Matters: If you can’t read without a lamp, your plant probably needs to be somewhere sunnier.
- Bigger = Better: Mass planting makes even the plainest plant look flash. Think troughs and barrels, not poky pots.
- Ignore Strategically: Some of the most bulletproof plants thrive on the occasional snub. Less is often more.
- Cuttings Are Currency: Swap and trade with mates to grow your jungle for free.
Fun Fact: Your Houseplants Are Tougher Than You Think
Houseplants like the Schlumbergera (Christmas cacti) or Rhipsalis (mistletoe cactus) have been thriving in people’s homes for decades — some are even passed down generations like green, leafy heirlooms. Turns out, all they need is a bit of light, occasional hydration, and a home that doesn’t mistake them for a scratching post.
So next time someone says they’ve got a black thumb, hand them an aspidistra and say, “Mate, if this plant dies, it’s not the plant’s fault.”
